I prefer to wake up within myself.

Some hot food, a dry place.

People are people, I know that.

How do we know who to trust?

Which being is actually my friend?

Being now wounded but with eyes open,

Shall I believe I can decipher a mans heart?

Does having my eyes open mean satisfaction?

Does satisfaction imply true love?

Question is... What is the right question?

~ Me

There is a way we all look at the world, thru our own eyes. When we look in the mirror the person we see is not who everyone else sees. Myself in the mirror is merely a reflection. It is not the real thing. What if we could see ourselves with others eyes? Who would we be then? What thing would change us so?

...there is a sadness that lives in me. A eternal feeling that I may always be alone.

Even when I find love I am alone.

Is this because I know that I will die by myself? There may be friends or a companion there when your body gives out. However, the dieing part you do all by yourself. Just like you come into the light during birth alone, you go back to the dark with death all alone.

Don't get me wrong,

I am not dwelling on something I cannot change.

Merely tossing it about.

I know life is misery and I know it is miraculous beauty.

I know there is miracle in the trees and the way the earth creates gravity.

There is miracle in cement blocks and poodles.

I enjoy being part of the miracle. Even if I don't always appreaciate it.

Maybe I need to stop and watch things again.

You know, like a child does.

Maybe this will help to fill my own void.

My own sense of fear and ever-wanting.

Walking thru life wondering what happens next.Wandering thru the twisted hallways and byways of my eyes. My only love gone. M.y.s.e.l.f. disappeared. Wishing I could go back to the childlike thinking. Knowing now that what will be, must be.And that turning the wheel only changes my direction, it doesn't change the depth of the blade in my back. Here, now, again I find myself, my true self, desperate to run. Suffer my free will to make you think I am right? Not on my watch. Not during my life. I will run. Like a gazelle. Why have you never taken a good look in the mirror? Stare at who you really are. Gaze upon your own free will and how you've used it. Then judge me as tho you are a god. Stand next to me and walk my path. Feel my rage. Drink my happiness. Admire the world then. Find no hatred in me unless it's fed by your own hatred. For there are no two people more alike in such a fashion as this. I will think it thru and consider this: that my life is grander than those who must stand beneath me in order to pull me down. As you stand there, grasping at my ankles, remember you could use my strength to help pull yourself up and out.

Selfishness

He drove himself mad with selfishness.

Doesn't even know it yet.

His friendship with me has come to a end.

Doesn't even make him want to change.

Act a fool the rest of your life.

Doesn't even matter yet.

Die alone without me by your side.

Doesn't really matter, you say?

Luckily, your true spirit showed itself.

Doesn't really matter in the end.

World Trade Center ` The movie

I was upset at first that anyone would make a movie about that day and the heartache. Trying to profit from it.

Then I went to see it, because I have seen all the other movies and just couldn't make myself stay at home. Damn glad I did, and damn glad I stayed for the whole movie. I wanted to leave several times. I can't stand to see people suffer. Yes, I know its a movie, but movies taken from real life are the hardest to endure for me.

Let me say that I cried thru the whole damn thing. It's amazing the courage and selflessness that those people showed that day. I had almost forgot the whole damn thing. I am glad I went to see it.

America and the world are better now for it I believe. I wouldn't have agreed to put anyone though that kind of test, but I am damn proud of Americans and their ability to pull together in such trying times. Like Charlie Daniels said... "We may do a little fighting amoungst ourselves, but you outsiders best leave us alone."

I am proud to be American

Heartaches Are Proof I'm Real

How much can one person take?

What can be done when it won't stop?

How long before I pull up stakes?

I could disappear to all these people I know.

Wishes never come true, it's all a fairytale.

Fairtales are never what they seem.

I know I can't just forget so easily.

No matter the cost.

It's my loss and I welcome it.

Go now, selfish little boy.

Leave me alone, to suffer more.

I, unlike you, will grow.

Heartaches are real.

Therefore I know I am alive.

Waking Up Slow

I had been dreaming of wrestling with a man.
Along comes a child with a feast on a tray.
We stopped our playful game and ate with glee.
Three of us there talking, laughing and enjoying
Each of us happy for our own reasons
To be near the other
Suddenly I begin to get restless on my pillow
My dream eyes begin to open
Something is pulling me away from outdoor lunch
I can't stay with the guys any longer
When coming out of my slumber this day
I miss them dearly
I cannot imagine what they must think
I just vanished without a trace
It was all so different less than 15 minutes ago.

Pen on Paper

I've heard it said that I shouldn't leave anything in writing.
Don't disclose my desires or misgivings in ink to be felt by anyone.
Someone might pick up my unorthodoxed writings,
mistakeing my meanderings for something of a worthwhile read.
I, however disagree.
Everyone should leave something of their thoughts behind.
It should be discovered before your final destination is set in stone,
buried away in some out of the way forest of marble and angels.
My story consists of let downs and triumphs.
Although it is seldom the glory stories that cause me to put pen on paper.