No Music Tonight

I don't have the music playing. I got some shit on my mind and music will only eat away at it now.

Tell me something important. How manys times does a person have to get fucked over before they should go ahead, get mad, reach out, and bitch slap someone who deserves it? Not just any bitch slap either... It should sting one's very existance. But... petty little games will get you nowhere. Life is better if remembered this way.

Okay..no bitch slapping happened here. Never found out who put the Kyro Syrup in my gas tank, but thus is life. I got over it. Everyone thinks I should bow down, forgive and forget. Okay.. this time its done. Poof!

Every Delightful Drop

If only I could remember every word you've ever said to me.
If I could recall them each I would repeat them constantly.
I would tattoo my body with your thoughts, and be covered.

I have drowned in your voice, and it saved me from death.
I taste your energy, I feel no hunger.
The touch of your honest soul has purified my core.

If I could remember every word you've said to me,
I would crawl into my head just to hear it all again.

Tied and bound, gagged and choked, shaking and scared.
I have given you my soul, my insides, without guilt.
You hold my life in your hands and I will die without you.
I will know what purity is with a wicked, torn soul.
I will die like a virgin floating on her own orgasm.

You have devoured my tears and made them wine.
There is only your love to control my chaos.
Only your laughter to lull me from my endless sleep.

Oh, if only I could remember all those words.

To: Him, to You, to Us, to Me.

Being Me Again...

Been in this small town. Simple people with simple ways.
People judging others for what they wish they were brave enough to be.

Changing for others is not being true to me.

I was encircled by darkness, eager to find light.

Forever trying to find me.

All along I was in the wrong place at the right time.

Two years past and lessons learned.

Dropped it that day.

Dancing in circles without music.

Many men gone thru. Many tears fall off swollen cheeks.
Energy wasted on what was never meant to be.

Torn in pieces for the last time.

Love given without regard to the art of soulmates.

Stolen memories that should have never been.

Healthy burdens make it alright.
Much too bright~eyed for these simple souls.

Dark angels hanging from the ceiling lighting my way to the darkness.

Horses thundered above.

No more suffering in this realm.
Gonna find a love thats gonna last.
Going to grow my hair down to my knees.

Gonna sing at my lungs full capacity.
Gonna get off the ground and fly.

Gonna dance with the music full blast.

Can you hear me growing?

Leaving your simplicities behind, I won't forget the glare in your eyes.
Write my life story. Write about my tears and breakdowns.

Leave out the small town villians? Not a chance.

Goodbye to this life.

You have created a monster who is able to leave it all behind.
Thank you simple minded people in this simple town.

Thanks for reminding to be me again.

Magicians and their Bears....

Movin. Headed to the desert. What will they all say? Nevermind what they all say they think. What do you really think. lol. Don't bullshit yourself into thinking I am laughing. It's not a laughing matter.

I heard I am moving, climbing, loving again. I'd be in seizures for you. Only my distance from you will be reclaimed. Horses haunt my rejections. Black and white ones glaring into my flesh from the inside. It's familiar, like singing while thinking of you. Happy.

Hopefilled. Maybe thats all it takes. Hope. Sky blue drops of eyes, your eyes witness that my life is worthy. It needs observation, this thing.

I let go and forgive...

...Undeniably Forgiveable.
What was I thinkin'

Standin in line waitin

Waitin for some boots to lick.

I live for the nightmares

Opinionless and breathin shallow

As I fell there I ruptured myself so easily clinging, stretching, stuck and consumed by your darkness. Once upon a time scared, not tonight, not here, not ashamed lips are willing to spill juices upon dark colored sheets.

So there it was all along

Consuming ~ in past times ~ teaching a lost one

Threathened only by suggestion of no

Hearing voices tremble for me

Singing at the top of my lungs.

Screaming my name out to you.

Footsteps

I don't really know where I am headed.
I see a distant crossroads sign up ahead.
Which way does one travel when you've
never made that decision before?
How do you know it's time to move on?
How do you understand that maybe the
crossroad will lead you back to the roads
you traveled long ago?
It seems to me a change is needed.
Yet change is the one constant in my life.
Have I become stagnate?
Have I become to fragile for adventure?
Have I allowed myself to grow complacent?
Lazy? Tired? Lonely? Helpless?
And if I chose a different life... will it be a
better life?
Which way do I go? How do you know?

Hurt

It's been a year or more since last we met.
It looks to me you're still my perfect fit.
Times were hurtful back then, I remember.
Nevermind how you treated my faithfulness.
Nevermind how you offended my love.
I was good to you and you threw it away.
But I will not hurt forever. I shall not hurt long.
I have moved on. And he is waiting to be loved.
Never again will you, my love, make me hurt.

I am Watching You and...

...My eyes are open wide now.

They may not have been before.

Learning who I am not.
Day one at a time,
Day two left behind.

Delusions of splendor and peacefulness

are comfortable and ever so needed.

This hour is my happiness.

You cannot destroy me.

I know this because my eyes are open wide now.

I LOVE this....

Truth is within ourselves; it takes no rise
From outward things, whate're you may believe.
There is an inmost center in us all,
Where truth abides in fullness; and around,
Wall upon wall, the gross flesh hems it in,
This perfect, clear perception – which is truth.
A battling and perverting carnal mesh
Binds it, and makes all error:
and, to KNOW, Rather consists in opening out a way
Whence the imprisoned splendor may escape,
Than in effecting an entry for a light
Supposed to be without…

'Tis time
New hopes should animate the world,
New light
Should dawn from new revealings…


From "Paracelsus"
Robert Browning

Where is That Someone Special?

If I met a man... would he be so together and kind... softspoken and beautiful.

Would he worship me for being me... fucked up me.

No false compliments, no lies.

Would he not be jealous or overbearing. Maybe he wouldn't freak cause other men talk to me.

Would he not flirt around. Maybe he'd see no point in it.

Did I mention he's a beautiful person? Eyes even the stars worship.

I

Will

Trust

This

Man

with everything and all of me. With all my d.i.r.t.y. secrets.

It's nice to know he'll never use them against me.

Is it that there are people in this world like him?

How is it that there aren't more?

Someone special for me? All mine?

Love Music Uncontrolled

You see we are like everything calm
We talk and it plays like uncontrolled love
It sounds of love and has no boundries
Walking with you would be life
A beautiful colorful notion unseen till now
A notion of being there with cellos playing
A ballad all our own... a hint of peacefulness
Peaceful whirlpools of new music
It would be like the sounds of love

Once Again

Once again we speak
Once again my heart beats
Can't believe it's been so long
How did it happen? What went wrong?
Your voice like a old friend
Never forgotten, always helps me mend
I feel better today than before
Your friendship my faith restored
Thanks for being you
Once again.

Density Forsaken

Aware of nothing and no one
Dreaming vivid colors that transend playfulness
Holding strong thoughts with suspended joy
Fields of stained and shattered musings
Calendars of harvest leave such frightful normal days
Healthy only because of an insane innocence
Tripping on thoughts of you, dependent on u
Breathing, clinging, wanting u
Knowing nothing of you.

It was a Sweet Touch Nonetheless

Recovering from long ago spent nights with you
I look back now and realize what's been missing.
The touch of the fire that consumed us.
The smell of those delicious human givings.
I long for that embrace that sets me free again.

Now gone it hurts.
Left alone without your aroma lingering
It hurts, It hurts, It hurts

A gift from Him

I can't get enough of your eyes
and I can feel the soft skin of your inner thighs on my cheeks
this is lovely, purely lovely
A woman so oceanic, moonpulled and tidal
sometimes softly laps at my shoreline, sometimes tears at it
with raked fingernails
Always, always, always
to moisten me
and to draw my mountains into the depth of her bosom
the earth levels out like that
in perfect symmetry

The way I cum...

...that fluid.......is called Amrita........sanskrit for Goddess Water

Summer Time Blues

Rustic chairs with patina throws
Country charm with velvet ropes
Giant mirrors boldly displayed
Farm house tables equal many feasts
Pastel colors make it sophisicated
French wallpaper make it alive
Seersucker drapes add the privacy
Triple layers of tablecloths
100 year old plates hang on the walls
Scented candles add the flavor
I see everything as whimsical,
Everything as a perfect summer retreat

Rachael said....

yea sleep...
didn't sleep well last night...
my lover is .....

(she wipes a dramatic tear from her dramatic face)

my lover is a blanket hog.
yea my toes and ta ta are still defrosting...
you could have cut diamonds with my nipples at around 5:30 this morning

I Do Not Love You

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms,
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers.
Thanks to your love a certain fragrance,
risen darkly from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride,
so I love you because I know no other way than this:
where "I" does not exist, nor "you,
"So close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
So close that your eyes close and I fall asleep.

-Pablo Neruda

Bah!

That's all i wanted to say.

Stupid Me...

...I want to be mad, I want to hate life.
I want to adore you, and still end up loving you.
I want to feel pain, and know it ends.
I want to extract blood, taste it.
I want to scream in such a fashion someone would listen.
I want to worship a man.
I want to be wanted for being me, fucked up me.
I want to write poetry, that people will get.
I want to touch you and you trust me.
I want to dance on the beach.
I want to know what true love feels like.

This is...

...my nest of written footsteps. Mostly off the hip... Always from the heart.

Talk to me

Lies Unfold

Each word spills as hearts die
t.r.u.t.h. is done
Aching to know even with the hurting,
knowing without comprehending
The earth moves my hand to strike.
The pain my voice spits.
Serpent tongue with sweet drippings.
Designed to fulfill envious yearnings.

Today I Breathe...

Today started like any other
Didn't want to get up
But needed to pee
Roll around in bed
With muted speech
Damn dogs won't shut up
Awake I am without meaning
But breathing

Peaceful Life

I worry not about tomorrow anymore...
Too much trouble.
I like the quiet of solitude.
I love the peacefulness of doing it my way.
Catching fireflies alone in the dark...
Makes me understand the beauty of life.
Alone I walk, without thee...
Breathing...
Alone and Right, like a Peaceful Life.

you!

more like they fall out.
Hungry eyes rarely whisper

Eye Sore Sighted...

I can't get enough of it.

Swarms of pointless gestures.

Caught standing upside down.

Accepting nothing, holding it all.

P.e.a.c.e. will forever feel like prison.

Shoulders hurt.

I can't get enough.